Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
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i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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