so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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