Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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