My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
