I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
