if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
