i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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