Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
