i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
