i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
