I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he puts the penis in happiness.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize