There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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