its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
