your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
