The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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