but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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