and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
