Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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