Do you still have your period?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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