aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
