tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
