Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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