My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
