I will die if light touches me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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