so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
