TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
