You're so nebulous sometimes
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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