We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
