whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
