I met the friendliest cop last night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
