Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
