I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
