Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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