he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
