Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
