Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize