Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Houston, we have a squirter
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
