I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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