Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
