shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Too much gin, very little bucket
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
