my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
