I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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