she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
