I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
