i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
