So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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