it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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