blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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