I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
