Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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