i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is Oprah even human
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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