im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
