he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
