dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
