anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
