I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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