I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This toilet bowl is my home.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
