What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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