if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
