Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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