I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
