he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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