i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
