I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
