Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
where are my eyebrows?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
