you turned your livingroom into a bong?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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