Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The power of my boobs compel you
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
