You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
