Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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