Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
