Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
