speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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