Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
