apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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