So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
