I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
