Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
